| love |
[Окт. 3, 2006|04:18 pm] |
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today my friend called me from eilat and told me she's inlove. ofcorse he is all wrong for her - he is too young, too foolish and especialy too uninterested in relationships. i listened to her and my feelings went very confused. i mean on the one hand i felt like "uhhh..., i miss this feeling so much. i want that too" but on the other hand i felt the pain of realising its wrong and you can not love him. and that hirts so much. and i suddenly realised how not prepared i am to theese feelings, how scared i am. maybe that is the whole story. let somebody in, inside your system, which is functioning, somehow. when i imagine beeing with the man now it is all in control. couple of dates, liking each other and then love growing with the time and its safe and its calm. but is there something like this, and if it is does it called love? isnt love all about loosing control? feeling stupid and volnerable? if it is i dont know if i have the gutts now, at this point in my life to just release the stripe and fall into this. i am bloody scared!!! i mean i dont want some impossible relationships anymore that are keeping you safe from the true one, and there are a great excuse to not getting too much envolved. i want the reall thing - a one relationship in my life that i am at least thinking to go on with it. and thaaat is scaryyyy!!!!!!!! |
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| what a wonderfull world |
[Сент. 30, 2006|01:55 pm] |
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i visited the sea today. lying on the sand, listening to Hulio Iglesias and looking into the blue sky, full of little white clouds, getting a nice shiverng from the breese coressing my body i thought to my self: "what a wonderfull world". i dont have to have millions of dollars, prestigios job. i dont have to go to the bahamas on the cruze or even have a boyfriend to feel completely happy. isnt that amazing? i wish that i could allways remember this. |
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